The “Natural” way to attract men
Now that the basic ideas of why attraction is so important are out of the way and you’re starting to get the picture, let’s get to some of the specific behaviors that help create and intensify attraction…
To get you started, here’s a fascinating concept to think about: In most areas of life, those that experience failure receive a huge benefit from the lesson they learn from the failure.
Most of the successful women I know have made mistakes in their careers, with money, friends, etc. But they all share something in common—they’ve learned quickly from their mistakes—they won’t make the same mistake twice. These women might find themselves in a similar situation, but their reaction won’t be the same.
But the same doesn’t seem to go for what happens for these women with men and attraction. The women who are the most successful with men aren’t often the ones who’ve experienced serious difficulty. And the women who experience more of the painful lessons with men, whether it was the man’s issues or their own that brought it about aren’t often the smarter and wiser for it. In fact, they’re often the ones that keep making the same mistakes over and over or are the ones who have the hardest time moving on from the past.
What I’ve learned from this is that the attitudes and behaviors that create attraction and success with men aren’t the obvious things that you’ll pick up simply with time, experience, and failure. What creates and builds attraction is often counterintuitive.
Of course it helps if a woman is good looking, but it’s important to understand that this isn’t the only thing men are attracted to and why men often end up wanting to settle down with them. It’s not about their looks, at least with any normal guy who isn’t seeking a “trophy girl” on his arm. Men want to settle down with women who have their emotions and behavior “together” in a way that signals they’d make a great companion and makes them feel that “intellectual attraction” at a deep level.
Unfortunately, not everyone was born with the looks or the personality that will effortlessly attract a good mate. But the good news is that it’s not about your looks… you can still learn how to trigger physical and intellectual attraction with men if you take the time.
Unless of course you still want to use your looks. (wink, wink) So let me ask you…
Have you ever known a woman who never had any problems attracting and meeting men? Maybe she was gorgeous, or maybe she had a magnetic personality that worked for her.
Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t anything she studied, read about, or learned from anyone else that gave her some amazing abilities to attract, interact with, and understand men.
I call these women the “Naturals”.
They’re the women that have an easy time attracting men and keeping a guy’s interest, even when they’re dating men with the most “unavailable” track record. It’s like they can take those unavailable men and whip them into shape.
If you know any women like this, they’re great examples for learning about attraction. “Naturals” have never really had to worry or think about interacting with men, finding good men or attracting them. Everything has come easy to them. They haven’t done the “trial and error” kind of learning that most of us go through to find our own way of doing things.
And since what Naturals know about men has come to them without much pain, failure, or disappointment, they can usually avoid internalizing all the fears, worries and issues that most other women have brought into their lives from their experiences with men.
The point is, Naturals aren’t good at triggering the physical and intellectual attraction because they have some secret knowledge of gift other women don’t. It’s simply that Naturals don’t let their fears and issues affect their behavior with men. The past doesn’t stand in the way of their ability to create a fun, exciting, magnetic and interesting environment with a man.
So let me give you the characteristics of “Naturals”:
- They keep the earlier interactions with men short and fun.
- They’re unpredictable.
- No matter what a man says or does, they don’t get rattled or taken off balance.
- Instinctively, they seem to “get” what creates and amplifies attraction in men, without having to be overtly sexual.
- When they first meet a man, they never let the conversation get too serious too soon and they avoid talking about subjects like work, family, and religion for too long.
- They’re flirtatious and they offer challenging twists during conversation.
- They challenge men on their issues in casual and non-dramatic and non-threatening way.
- If a man is flirting with them they don’t just accept compliments, but put the ball back in play to create more tension, which keeps him intrigued.
- They know that having a good time together and being relaxed as things are starting out is more important than trying to make things happen too soon.
- Even if they are dating a man, they keep plans and interests outside the relationship they’re in. They don’t lose touch with their own life, friends, interests, etc.
- They never think too far ahead and they understand that creating a better moment in the present is much better than trying to talk about or create something in the future of the relationship.
To sum it up, “Naturals” intuitively know that fear, insecurity, and neediness are the enemies of attraction and so their behavior and attitude with every man has little or no trace of them.
If you’ve got a single girlfriend who’s a Natural the best thing you can do is go out and spend time with her in a place where there are lots of men. Call her up and tell her you want to go out and grab a drink. Then go to a cool, fun place where you like the kinds of guys that hang out there. Then just watch what happens. Your friend will simply find her way into fun and interesting conversations with men without trying.
And here’s where the learning starts. Watch how she carries herself with a casual and relaxed attitude. Take note of her posture, where she sits in the room, how she interacts with everyone from the bartender to the nice (but uninteresting) guy next to her. Watch how she challenges men who approach her. These are all clues to how and why she’s a Natural at interacting with men and creating attraction once she finds a guy she’s interested in.