Setting “Relationship Standards”
I generally avoid “rules” with men, because men can be unique and vary from person to person. But here’s a rule so listen up…
You HAVE to let a man know that you don’t want to casually date forever FROM THE START, if that’s your intention. But the trick for lots of women, even though they do this in their own way, is that you CANNOT do this through pressure or any kind of passive aggressive or weak convincing types of behavior.
Pressure on people in big situations and choices in life causes more harm than good—you won’t get a positive response.
Ever had a salesman pressure you to buy? Exactly.
If you still want to read more about how humans respond to this, check out the book “Spin Selling” by Neil Rackham. It’s a fascinating study into the exact idea of pressure and convincing around higher pressure or higher cost situations. Plus, if you check it out you can brush up on your business and sales skills (if you’re into that kind of thing).
When a woman requires specific “minimums” from a man from the start it has a profound effect on the way a man views the woman. He is WAY more likely to end up with her in the future.
Here’s exactly how to do this…
Say, “I will only keep seeing you right now if this is going somewhere and you aren’t seeing anyone else, because I’m not and I don’t want to waste my time.”
When you say this to a guy, there’s an unconscious button that’s pushed in his mind that basically tells him and instills the belief that “this is a respectable and desirable woman who has the ability and the strength to pick and choose what happens in her life and with men, so I better make good of the situation”.
If all this goes well and you start becoming closer and closer to a man after weeks or a couple of months, to the point where you have strong feelings and you know you want a relationship with the man, then now’s the time to say in a calm and casual voice, “I’m happy with you and I want to keep dating… but the future’s important to me so let’s see how we feel about things over the next few weeks or months (set a time here you feel comfortable with), and we’ll decide where this is going and to continue if there’s something more serious that we’re both interested in and want.”
And “Kaboom”. This is like the ultimate groundshaker for a man. Yeah, it might be risky and sound a bit harsh, but the thing is, if a man is at all serious about you, then the conversation that ensues from saying this will bring you closer together, or at the very least get him thinking and knowing that he must value you the way you do yourself.