Pushing his secret communication button
When you resist or react negatively in any conversation with a man about your love life together, it immediately becomes more difficult to progress with him and have him get closer. And if you’re working at building a relationship and you make the mistakes of assuming, arguing, begging, convincing, or trying to bully him into a commitment, then don’t expect to have any real long term success.
You might make progress in the short term where he gives in to what you want, but there will be bigger problems in the future when you think you’re relationship is ready to progress. He won’t be there with you. And worse, he might resent you.
So how do you talk to a man about a relationship or approach “fixing” something that needs improving?
Well, I found something amazing that a few smart women know about. Men have a secret button that you can push. When you push it, you’ll find out what really thinks and feels about ANYTHING you want to know about.
But there’s a catch, you’ve got to make it happen by changing YOUR communication in order to push his communication button. (Sorry, but most big results you’ll have in life will come this way because you decided to create them. It’s actually an amazing and empowering thing to recognize.)
No matter how close you think you are to him, if you and a man are romantically interested in each other, then odds are that you both aren’t as honest and comfortable as you could be when you communicate. You both want to say the right things, you both have judgments about the other that cause you to frame your opinions a certain way, etc.
The truth is that you both need to share your true desires and intentions. If you’re not working from the same song sheet then you’ll never be in tune. Bad communication is the single biggest reason why situations with men and women fail.
For most men, fears and inhibitions get in the way of being completely honest about where they’re at and what they’re looking for with a woman. A common situation I see with men is when they want to remain single and date various women even though they enjoy the company of a certain woman. These men don’t share their real desire to be single and see other women because they have an emotional fear of confrontation or because they don’t want to lose what they have going.
But men like this won’t magically be ready or able to commit in the future unless they make some big changes in their lives so they set themselves and the woman up for failure by being out of touch with their intentions.
It’s up to you to get a man’s fears out of the way so you can get to the bottom of things.
Getting past the manners and the personas that are masks for fear is the essence of “pushing the button”. Let’s look at a specific example of how you can do this. I’ve broken it down into the key steps:
Step 1) The Primer
Start a conversation with him on a fun, positive note. Maybe tell him a story about something you both enjoyed in the past, or compliment him on something you know he prides himself on. But make sure you give him some sort of “ego stroke”. And I’m not saying that you should praise a guy if he doesn’t deserve it, but if you’re interested in a future with a guy there’s got to be something real that you appreciate about him, right? Like it or not, men see things differently when you talk.
Complimenting him and telling him that you’re happy and content with how things are with him right now will put him into a receptive state and create an open and positive context for everything that follows.
This is the “starter” for the conversation that will build an entirely positive context, and it might seem like something you could skip, but it’s actually the most important step. To do this, you might start by telling him about how much you enjoy spending time with him, and you can remind him of the great times you’ve had. The idea is ALL about setting the right mood so a guy becomes positive, comfortable, and opens up.
And I’m sure you know how guys get when you start talking about issues, problems, intense emotions, etc. Men become babies and shut down. Don’t make that happen here, it’s too important. Even if you’re having a tough time because he’s done something to hurt you lately, you’re interested in him for a reason, so try to remember those things.
You can’t drive this conversation with all the “negative” things—it never works that way.
Not with men, not with anybody.
Step 2) Casual Introduction
This is the first step into “where things are going”. But instead of springing “the talk” on him like most women do, keep talking about positives, the good things, the things you want to continue that are WORKING. If you don’t have too many of these things, think harder. You’re interested in a future with this guy for some reason, right? But don’t just compliment him. Make sure it’s about BOTH of you, and how you are together, not just about him.
You’re goal here in this step is to get HIM to think and start communicating about the relationship and the good things ahead in the future. You’re helping him build the bridge.
*Important Word of Caution Here…
If you can’t come up with too much positive stuff that you’ve done recently or that you’ve both enjoyed, you might want to think about that and the timing of your “talk”.
Is this the right time and the right place?
Maybe you already know something about the guy and “where things are at”, but you aren’t acknowledging it to yourself. Remember that you’re not here to try and “convince” a man to want or feel something. That’s a losing battle that will certainly fail and cause you heartbreak. Make sure you’ve thought things all the way through about what YOU want and if he’ll really make you happy, or if you want to change him somehow with this talk.
Trying to change or convince in ANY form is NOT a part of this conversation.
If you find yourself doing either, step back, relax and think smart and positive. Stay focused on the REALITY of the situation, not what you want it to be. Think about the positive nature of the ideal relationship you’re looking for and speak from that place and feeling.
Then say, “You know, I’ve been thinking about something fascinating. Men and women come from such different places mentally and emotionally, but they can reconcile or negotiate these differences to make the relationship work. And being different means that we can compliment each other”.
This opens up the conversation in a non‑
confrontational way about the concept of relationships without him reading into it. You don’t want him to feel any negative pressure or emotional intensity here so he remains open and receptive while thinking about the subject.
Step 3) Applying Positive Strokes
Then tell him, “It’s great because I bet you and I see things differently, but I love spending time with you and we have such a great time together”.
Again, you’re getting into a conversation about relationships that will eventually turn to your situation, but you’re doing it in a way that doesn’t trigger any resistance or fear from the man—this is what you’re aiming for.
Step 4) Non-Situational Honesty
Tell him, “You know, I’ve known for a long time that I want a relationship that (explain your ideals about what would make a great relationship for you here)”
Of course it’s up to you to talk about the ideal relationship you want, but there’s a HUGE mistake you need to avoid in this step.
Do NOT start talking about how what you have now isn’t what you want or that you NEED to have this ideal relationship with him right now. Avoid doing this because if you make this mistake it will change the ENTIRE nature and context of the conversation, and odds are the guy will change his mood, it will close his desire to listen and share with you in half a second flat.
Step 5) Active Listening
Listen to the conversation without any resistance. When you do this, men instantly sense it and become more caring, more attentive, and more interested in what YOU want. Best of all for you, they will talk MUCH more honestly about where they’re at and what they want.
Getting him to be honest and truthful about what HE is looking for, without influencing him, is one of the first things you need to do if you’re interested in more than “dating”. It’s the key to identifying men and learning when and how to create a relationship that will last.
It blows men away when they first experience this kind of open and honest communication about the future and a relationship with a woman. Men almost can’t believe it, and they instantly see you as someone unique, rare, and “cool”. It’s the kind of communication they’ve secretly wished they could have with a woman but could never find.
Creating this open, pressure free kind of communication makes you VERY attractive to a man.