Keep it simple
So here’s the deal with all the “What do I do when he does this?” questions that I mentioned before: Stop worrying about doing the perfect thing in each situation and try to do a simple thing correctly—and have fun doing it.
I know, it sounds too simple, but if you’re doing a few of the “right” things now and then and making a man feel attraction for you, then the little details and specifics about men and their behavior are just DISTRACTIONS. And the distractions are often what confuse you and make you behave in counterproductive ways—such as acting needy for fear that things won’t work out. Or not giving yourself space and time to enjoy your own life when a guy hasn’t called you back in a few days.
It’s hard for most women to believe, but what works with men is less complex than what our ever-rationalizing brain wants to make it. Your mind is always looking for patterns and reasons to explain everything around it, why each word was said and action means something profound.
It goes against our common sense, but simple is better, especially when thinking how to interact with men. In fact, there’s a fascinating scientific maxim called the KISS Principle that basically says the more simple the solution or answer is, the better it is. For the super nerdy look up “Occam’s Razor” if you’re into this kind of stuff.
Enough on that…
The point is that if you do what works with men, make great impressions and avoid the big mistakes, you’ll start having the experiences or relationships that you’re looking for and you’ll get to STOP WORRYING about all the little things a man might be doing. So take simple steps and you’ll find there’s a beauty to it.
What if you went up to a very attractive guy and just did one good thing to start a conversation? Pretty simple, right?
Then what if the next time you see that guy or another man you’re interested in you do one simple thing to trade phone numbers. That’s relatively easy and straightforward, right?
Then you try something fun to setup a date. Then you start being a little bit more flirtatious. Then you challenge him.
The thing is, if you break things down into simple steps and don’t jump ahead of yourself, everything is pretty easy. But if you’re trying to meet a man, get him to fall madly in love with you so that he can be the father of your children, it’s a much different story.
And wouldn’t it be nice to stop worrying about what might be wrong with men? Exactly… so let me say it again so it’s clear.
If you start doing what works with men in small and simple steps, including triggering intense physical and intellectual attraction (I will discuss how to do this later in this chapter), then you’ll be able to put aside most of the issues you might have worried about in the past. And all of a sudden men will magically become easier to be with. They’ll be more open and receptive with you about everything. And amazingly, you’ll have a much easier time understanding where they’re coming from as well.
But you also want to trigger a man’s interests in something more long term as part of the attraction, right? And this is where things start to sound and feel less simple for most women.
So let me ask you something…
Have you ever talked to a woman about a relationship she’s in and she told you she never had any big issues with the guy she’s with. You wonder why there was never any real struggle about a commitment, settling down, and they’re already thinking about marriage. It’s like their relationship sounds too easy and you wonder why it isn’t like this with the guys you date?
These low or no maintenance relationships, where things seem to naturally drift towards commitment and marriage, aren’t just fairy tales. They happen for lots of people out there.
But then what’s so different about these men and how can a woman attract such men? And why are these men so much easier to be in a relationship with, and why is it easier for them to want to move forward in the relationship?
The thing that I’ve learned is that in getting to these answers about men and relationships, there’s an all important question that you need to learn the answer to first:
“What attracts men?” And…
“What amplifies the attraction above and beyond the physical attraction? And how can a woman get the guy to commit?
It might sound too simple, but after years of study and observation around the subject of dating and relationships, something became glaringly obvious… Most people have no “real world” idea of what attraction is, where attraction comes from or how to create attraction in others. There’s no tangible evidence out there that says “this is attraction, this is how it works, this is how to create it”. (That’s where I come in…) And what’s even stranger is there’s no hard science or studies out there that really explain attraction. In fact, there are very few books at all on the subject, of any kind.
This being the case, the next few sections in the book cover a boat load of the “real world” information about the behavior and communication that creates lasting attraction with men.