How men and women usually meet
I’ve read several books on human courtship, as well as books about all different species courtship behaviors. Hundreds of studies have shown that humans and other species work just about the same, so let’s take a look at them.
For instance, it’s fascinating what happens with female grouses (birds). The male grouses gather together in a large group, called a “lek”, and wait for females to come and select them as a mate. The females get to have all these males together side-by-side so they can compare them easily.
Here’s the amazing part: the females prefer the mates with the most females around them. Not the ones with the best actual qualities (plumage, fitness, etc.) but the ones that other females prefer. Interesting…
Here are some of the ways that females meet males in nature:
- Choosing from large groups of males gathered together looking for a mate.
- Looking at the territory males have staked out and identifying how well a male could provide as a mate based on this.
- Visiting places where males gather and display for females.
- Making sure to be highly visible and attracting attention then watching the displays of passing males.
The human equivalents of these are:
- Going to a singles party.
- Choosing a man based on his power or wealth.
- Going to the gym where you know there are lots of guys who are in shape.
- Wearing seductive clothing when you sit near the foot traffic at a popular coffee shop.
The point is that you’re not doing anything new. If you want to meet men you have to:
1) Decide what kind of man you want.
2) Find out what’s attractive to him.
3) Go where these men are likely to be, or setup a situation where they come to you.
4) Entice them to approach you. If you feel comfortable, it’s absolutely OK to initiate the conversation with a man. Just don’t be too predictable, or ask him out right away. Instead, challenge him with intriguing questions and arouse his interest.
It’s all the same game. Most women who have little success attracting men or relationships aren’t willing to do what it takes to be successful.