Be unique & unpredictable
A big part of what attracts men and keeps them thinking about a woman is when you can mix the serious with the fun, and do it in an UNPREDICTABLE way. Being unpredictable in a fun way with a man is pure magic. But when it’s coupled with something serious, it’s a sure recipe for attraction and creating mystery that makes him want to stay.
For example, let’s say you’re in a bar or a restaurant and you’re talking with a man that sparks your interest. If you’re like most women, then you’ll ask him some common questions about himself, his career, his life, his family, etc…
This is way too predictable and only works in a few lucky situations or if you’re some supermodel that can attract guys without even speaking. And yeah, while you could get to know a guy talking about this stuff, you’ll see that he’s got his on eye some woman across the room who’s laughing, having a great time and is obviously fun and exciting to be around.
Predictability is the enemy of interesting. If you always act predictable, then by DEFINITION you’re not interesting. So keep doing things that are interesting and unexpected.
Talking about this “regular” stuff, while it has some value in getting to know some details about a man’s life and history, can be an attraction REPELLENT when you do too much of it. Unless you’re naturally the kind of woman who can keep a man attracted and interested without any real effort or just by your looks, then don’t do it.
You’ll be very tempted to do this because it feels so normal, but you’re not looking to be seen as normal or average here. Go into things thinking that it would be good to keep the unpredictability up for several months, and knowing that you’ll naturally want to become less predictable. But keep it up. Some men will seem like they want less or more… I’d error on the side of more, especially if you want things to move into the later stages where a man might start talking about commitment without you even initiating the conversation.
The other kind of predictability lots of women try is what I call “shy flirting”. It’s when a woman tries to passively flirt because she wants his attention. But the woman isn’t assertive and confident because she wants to avoid any potential rejection or uncomfortable situation so she comes off as clumsy and insecure. The payoff from “shy flirting” isn’t what you’re looking for. Yeah, the guy might become mildly interested or entertained, but you’re not going to push the deeper attraction buttons with this stuff.
Instead, take the conversation in your own direction. Be unpredictable—surprise him with the next topic of discussion. Throw in slightly heavier questions that will test the man’s psychological and intellectual abilities while playfully flirt with him.
Here’s a great example.
I had a reader write a story about a date she had soon after reading a newsletter about first dates. Her date was quite a catch and they hit it off as soon as he started to flirt with her. But instead of basking in all his flirtatious attentions, she asked him, in an equally flirty way, a question.
“What kind of woman do you respect?”
The question was her way of communicating that his answer was important because she was curious about how he resonds to women, but she didn’t just come out and say in a predictable way what was important to her. She wasn’t too taken with his flirtations or complements. Her question was a fun and subtle kind of tension building RESISTANCE.
Asking this kind of question to a man you’re interested in is ingenuous. It’s like she’s giving him a truth serum that he can’t resist because the question is fun and inviting, but challenging at the same time. By asking such a loaded question in such a provocative but comfortable way, there’s a high level of status being subtly asserted as you’re “hitting the ball back across the net”—your matching his flirting. And the attraction level instantly gets taken up a notch with the unpredictability of challenging questions that are both serious and flirtatious.
What’s fascinating is that you’re pushing his
ATTRACTION buttons at the same time that you’re getting him to open up. You’re mixing the attraction building and flirting with the more intellectual or personal stuff and making it all flow together in a way that the guy can’t resist.
Talk about a turn on. Men have some common situations that they might secretly want to avoid talking about with women. Like admitting whether or not they’re looking to settle down or if they’re just out to “play”. Or being honest about what kind of woman he wants to be with (or if he even has a clue), or talking about the reasons why he’s broken up with women in the past and what HIS issues are.
The secret is to not avoid these issues, but turn them to your advantage. Men have a whole set of “triggers” wired around these things that are waiting for women to tap into, as long as they are approached the right way. And if a woman can get to these triggers, she’ll have a whole different experience and a more direct kind of honesty with the guy that most women will never see. So when you point these common situations out in a way that shows you get what’s going on socially and that you’re senses and perceptive abilities are sharp, and you do it in a fun and “cool” way, you immediately challenge a man.
If you’re challenging a man’s thoughts and character in a playful way you’ll instantly become unique in his mind. You would have separated yourself from the 90% of other women out there who can’t or won’t challenge men. Most women show their interest by acting sweet, seductive, and laugh at anything a man says even if it’s not funny. These almost women come off as being “cheesy”, over the top, and insincere.