Attraction: what’s the big deal?
Everyday I receive a flood of questions in my email from women asking for advice about their dating situations and what they write is VERY revealing. Some of the emails ask a list of questions that can be three pages long. Here a common kind of question.
“Hey, I like this guy but there’s a problem… I said this, and then he said that, (paraphrasing) so I didn’t know what to. What should I do next? I emailed him later, but he didn’t call for several days, and then I called him and he still acted interested but he wouldn’t make much time to get together and now he’s not as into things as he used to be.”
And at the end of almost every email, there’s always one of those “quick fix” questions:
“How do I get him interested in me?”
“How do I get him back?
“How can I get him to act the way he used to?” “What does it mean when a guy is acting this way?”
“What do I do next when he’s acting this way?”
I won’t share the other stuff I get by email. They’re not really for public consumption.
So while these are good questions that I’d like to answer, the reality is that there’s no way I can address every specific situation under the sun and know all the nuances. But I do know what does and what doesn’t work in most situations.
So when I’m reading one of these emails, I can INSTANTLY tell if the woman has an understanding of the attraction, why it’s important, and what to do about it. But when you’re asking questions about how to behave or what to say exactly, you’re usually looking for an external answer to an internal issue.
Of course we all want that “magic” thing to say or do that will make someone fall for us, love us and take care of us, but learning attractive behavior is more than skin deep. You can’t just say something and not understand what’s going on “behind the scenes” of the psychology. You’ve got take on the right state of mind for the behavioral “stuff” to work for you.
Why am I telling you this?
Because it’s a common thing that lots of women do. They obsess over the details of a man’s behavior and think there’s some perfect or magic way to change things into what they want them to be by saying something to the guy or asking him the right questions.
Now, I don’t want to take away from these situations where women are having a tough time with a guy, but I can honestly say that I know the details aren’t that important. I’ve watched the things that work with men play out again and again so I know they work with 95% of men, no matter what the details are. (Excluding the creeps, psychos and “physically challenged” men who do all their thinking below the waist)
After seeing the same things work over and over, it’s not just a hunch anymore. Attraction leads to interest that leads to deeper attraction that leads to deeper interest that leads to happiness together that can, if communicated correctly, lead to a relationship.
These are the basics and if you take them one step at a time, instead of trying to go straight from meeting a man to thinking about walking down the aisle or how you’ll grow old together, then things get much, much simpler.