Most men enjoy dating. They date often, and get all kinds of benefits and knowledge about women from dating. And given the chance, they’d date more if they could.
On the other hand, lots of women seem to date less than men and tend to look for “quality not quantity”. Women often seem to think that it’s somehow wrong or inappropriate to date very much.
But imagine this… what if you went out on lots of dates, but didn’t take any of them to any attached or physical level? I’m asking because I think that this could free you up to go out on more dates… And imagine all the new things that you’d learn about men and dating?
Do you think you’d start to see some common signals, patterns, and warning signs?
Maybe you’d start to learn more about what kind of men you really don’t like, and what kind of men you do like.
But unfortunately, women don’t often have these kinds of experiences with dating. Women can date and get to know more than one or two men, but they usually won’t because they feel strange about it. And society tells women through stories, myths, and media that what’s paramount in dating is to find one quality man and stick with him and make it work. Women are subtly told that dating several men is somehow “wrong”, even if they’re just getting to know the guys.
So let me say it clearly to make sure you’re not confused—you can date a lot and not be a slut. Actually, I’d encourage it, as much as you might think that it will be annoying. But you DON’T have to feel attracted to, start to like, or hook up with any of the men you date. So get rid of any pressure on yourself about it.
And some women think that they won’t really attract a guy and catch his interest if they don’t fool around with him and work on the physical attraction stuff.
The opposite is actually true—you shouldn’t fool around much at all with men when you’re in the earlier stages of dating, and don’t worry about physical attraction too much either. Just go out and learn more about men and what kind of guy fits best with you by dating.
And not being intimate will do some great things for you. It will guarantee that you’ll be more objective in your judgment AND that you’ll feel comfortable to date other men and keep learning.
It might seem odd, but dating a few men casually will also trigger major ATTRACTION in the men around you. By not being intimate with the men you’re dating and letting them subtly know you’re open to dating other men and doing the choosing here, you’ll send a strong message that you have standards and a man must meet them before you’ll settle down with him. This creates a unique kind of respect mixed with desired if a man knows that he can’t just have you. Stupid I know, but that’s the deal.
If you’re dating this way, don’t be surprised if several men who didn’t pay that much attention to you before become instantly intrigued by you.
And remember how I talked about men wanting to date forever?
Men who date a lot get a huge benefit that can turn them into experts when it comes time to choosing a woman to settle down with. They’ve done their homework through real-world experience by figuring out what qualities and temperaments that they fit well with and enjoy the most in a partner. Wouldn’t this work for you too?
But what if you’re uncomfortable with dating several men or can’t find dates to help you find out what kind of guy would be best for you?
In that case, you can do something similar and almost as useful without ever having to date—kind of like imaginary dating. Do it by taking the men you already know that are around you, like your friends and family (don’t get weird here on me!) and run their qualifications through your mind against your “ideal perfect man”.
Pretend you’re sitting in front of someone and analyze the man’s qualities and how they would play out with you in a relationship.
What? You don’t have a picture of your ideal man!?
Don’t make that mistake. If you’re dating and you don’t have a clear idea of what you’re looking for, then you’re likely to pick any guy who moves you, but it won’t mean that he’ll fit well with you in the long run. Trust me.
You need to create a psychological and physical picture in your mind of your ideal man. So sit down right now and make a list off the top of your head about your perfect guy. And don’t worry about making it too realistic (at least for now), it’s just a guide for you for the future.
Answer the following about your perfect man:
What’s his personality like? Is he laid-back, intense, nurturing, motivating, gentle, or “manly” etc?”
What are the things he enjoys doing the most?
What does he value? (intelligence, physical prowess, money, family, freedom…)
How does he treat and interact with people around him? (family, friends, ex’s…)
Where is he at in his professional life?
What does he look like, and how does he interact with you physically?
What’s his dating history?
Where does he see himself in the future?
When you fill in the answers here you’re getting in touch with your own honest expectations about the man you’d like to be with. Not recognizing and verbalizing your expectations can spell pain and frustration if you’re looking to get involved with a man but don’t address this stuff, at least in your own mind.
Get in touch with your expectations and don’t sell yourself short, it’s your future, your heart and your lovelife.
Writing down these answers also does more than help you clarify your expectations. It also helps you to “anchor” your beliefs and desires in your mind. You’ll start to see these as your requirements in a man, which can only raise the bar to better things. And as hard as it might be to believe, the more you think about these things, the more they become reality for you. Ah… the power of thought and intention.